Digging Your Grave With a Fork and Knife

Many of us have successfully applied for and been given the position of a grave digger with our choices of foods. Every time you shovel certain foods into your mouth you're digging yourself a grave. I’m hoping to help you process your resignation so let’s talk about a few areas of interest.

Processed foods
Does it come in a package📦 with a nutrition label? It’s processed 😐. Eat foods with ingredients you can pronounce. Popular culprits are canned beans, canned protein, and canned fruit. The real problem with processed food is the high sugar content to make it palatable and high sodium to preserve it. Additionally, be wary of excessively consuming baked goods..cakes and doughnuts on birthdays can set you up for problems over time and it won’t be long before you become a human doughnut yourself or shaped like a wedding cake.

Fix: Your mbuya (grandmother) didn’t eat from plastics and cans. She went in the backyard, slaughtered her chicken and plucked her vegetables. You’d be wise to do the same. Cakes and other things were for special occasions, not a regular fixture on the menu. Adapt yourself.

Sugar
The road to diabetes (and other things) is paved with sugar. Change direction before you arrive at an unintended destination. Sugar is commonly found and often hidden in soda, biscuits, breakfast cereal, ketchup/sauce & other condiments, and ‘fruit juice’. If you love any of the items listed here you should know that they don’t love you, your teeth, your hips or your belly back. Note that fruit juice is the least healthy way to consume fruit.

Fix: Tame your sweet tooth by incorporating real fruit when you feel the urge, shooting for sugar free or low sugar drink options and avoiding entering shops mungulu mungulu to avoid all the traps they set in there. Right at the counter is where you find all that sweet poison. Don’t try to fight temptation; avoid it entirely.

Excessive consumption of food in general
Eating more than you need is problematic for a whole host of reasons, chief among them is obesity. Portion control is of paramount importance so don’t eat until you’re full, eat to minimum satisfaction and stop🛑 ✋🏾.Despite what you might want to think about your big belly or behind 🍑 the truth is that it is not a sign of wealth and enhanced appeal. It indicates poor nutrition & impending health problems if you can't meet these health standards.

Fix: Implement portion at all your meals by using your hand as a guide.

• protein, such as meat, fish, or poultry, is the size of your palm,
• vegetables or fruit is about the size of your fist.
  
• carbs, such as rice or potatoes, is the size of a cupped handful.
• snacks the size of a cupped handful.

Pork life & Ms. Piggy🐖 🐷 🐽
All that bacon🥓 and polony can be detrimental to your health if you push your luck. Itchy butt? That’s likely worms inviting you to scratch. Gents, are you experiencing half-mast? Might be all that fat clogging your arteries and interfering with circulation.

Fix: Refrain from consuming pork and if that’s not possible then moderate your intake of pork and ensure that you frequently deworm yourself. I personally do this monthly because I’m currently in a complicated relationship with Ms. Piggy. If you’re in the same entanglement then consider doing the same.

Additional suggestions for retired grave diggers
Fiber
Fiber helps ensure that what goes in your mouth finds its way out the other end. Helps your body with waste management.

Fix: Commit to consuming an apple (preferably green) a day and where possible munch down on kawawasha (tamarind) every chance you get. Both basic options will help move things along when paired with proper hydration outlined below. Hardcore poop chasers should additionally look into weetabix, muesli, various fruit and vegetables, mabisi (fermented milk) and psyllium husk options to help establish number 2 as your favorite number. Pooping at the same frequency as a baby should be your goal.

Hydration
Many of us don’t drink enough water to support optimal functionality. If you’re thirsty then you’re already dehydrated. The goal should be to consume fluids before you feel compelled to. A good target is 30-40mls per kilogram of body weight per day.

Fix: Improve your water intake by tracking it. Download a water tracking app that reminds you to drink water and allows you to track your overall water intake. At the end of each day check if you’re within the general target range. Too much work? Then you can alternatively assess your urine color every time you head to the bathroom. The target is light yellow. Clear color = excessive hydration. Dark yellow color = insufficient hydration. Light-moderate yellow color = 👍🏾.

Closing argument
Eat food that rots. Keep these things outlined above out of your kitchen and out of your mouth. If for some reason you can’t resist the urge then eat in moderation. Find a balance in your nutrition, so have ice cream, chocolate, cake and all that other stuff but don’t let them be staples in your diet.

***Supplementary reading
Sugar bombs 💣
Food labels 🏷
Men’s health 🦁
Health & Fitness Standards to Care About 🆗
Ma bubbles mu mala ♨️
Alcohol & fitness 🍻